TRUTH OR LIES? which one is the best?

For all i know truth is always the only reason a relationship could work out, but when you kept it for to long it just brings disaster into it. Playing a game isn't fun anymore when one day someone finds out that you play a game of a lie.

When someone who really loves you and you loves them back ask you to tell them the truth and nothing but the truth, but you end up telling him some only and still keeping some of it to your self it is really bad once you regret it in the end that you didn't just tell them that time.

*Hoping all time could turn back.

*Hoping that you could change the time back.

*Hoping that you did tell them everything that moment.

Once you realize that they were the one, you start blaming your self, and you will keep on asking why didn't you just say it that time?

You want to say it right now but what if they couldn't take what you are going to say to them.

yes, they said that they will accept you for who you are,they will say just tell me the truth..

But, what if later when they are alone and suddenly thinks that what if you are going to do the same thing again?

Realizing everything in the end, but at the 1st kept them for your self.

So many things you wanted to say,but what if they just couldn't take it?

Will they trust you again once you said "i promise this is the truth,no more lies" after you already said that more than 5 times?

Realizing everything in the end is just such a human being things.

People do that

You wanted to be so perfect in front of them, you do everything for them hoping that they will love you more, even tho making them felt sorry for you counts.

You wanted them to forgive and forget, but that just not how it works telling lies to them or even worse to everyone is just not acceptable.

What can we do as a human being when we are in this position?

Tell them or not it is just going to bring fights in the end, but when everything is to late already and one day when they found out it will be brutal, crucial, unimaginable.

Now it is all up to you to decide your path, when the time has come you will know what to do

never regret what you decided to do, because it is you who started it.

You want them forever, you have to take the chances even tho you will end up losing them

but hey, you won't know unless u tried.

Hope they are the kind of person that actually forgive and forget.

If they are like that, then that means they are the one.

But don't blame them also if maybe that they were meant to be your right one but it seems that it is too much for them to take later in the end and have to regret for the rest of their lives.

Decision, decision...

Now that is a though one..

Boredm @ Domain

Fucking hell....

how can a house be like this...Staying in a place called home shouldn't have made me feel bored at all but it does...Everyday is the same...wake up,laptop,eat,laptop,chill=laptop,sleep.is there nothing to do out here...everybody went back home and now cyberjaya is fucking empty.

hmpphh..

....\|(>-<)|/....

Happy wishes at night for my baby

wishes from all of us here...

surprised from all the people that cares about you...

the people who loved you

the people that close to u,saying Happy Bday

at the night you came home...jug a glass of chivas your mom gave to you for your 21st bday

the glass to a more mature year,succesfull year

and for all your bad childhood times,let it go

change and be a better person...no more laziness

start a fresh year

happy bday baby love

this is my wishes for u

poem lies within my hearth

all people have their romantic side even tho you want to be a serial killer or anything you still have a romantic side deep within.maybe you didn't realise everytime you are thinking about something it is actually you writing a poem that only your heart knows.
happiness circles my life right about now,wouldn't you be happy if someone just say nice things about you?specially admiring you and saying nice things about you?
if some one say something like "your the reason why i live" wouldn't you think that you are special in some ways?poetry is a part of our life we just didn't realise it until we learn what is poem in elementary school.poetry is special and romantic and when u read it the only word you will say is oH....so sweet...
i know the wonders of the world of poetry i enter once and i won,everyone can make poem even a 5 year old kid can do it...and i love singing most of the time and what ever comes out is your feeling or what ever you want to say like poem..even bla..bla..bla..can be one aswell..
ok i'm not making sensce anymore..ok this is for fedya to read..if you are reading this comment...hahhahha

happy and hard times come in one package

there is time in your life you just felt like you want to live your life,but what ever you do there will be something on the way torwards your path.and the only way for you to live your life better is to get pass all the obstacle no mather how hard it is.if like you can't handle it,well just try to imagine what about those poeple that actually have to fight for their life for them to survive who ever can read this must have everything that they could have ask for even tho sometimes we didn't even realise it,we always just think that "why me..,why me" that question always come to everyones mind with out realising there is more to the world that they haven't seen.they just sit at home or going out with their luxurious car or any type of vehicle even it is just a bike or even a motor bike,well atleast we have money to buy all of that.now what we have to realise is that how can we be like any other that don't have anything?what can we do to help them?? and sometimes people just think like why should i help them if no one even give me any help?
well we cannot ask for everything right. but the most common thing is that no one cares for each one and another.they just care about them selves and there will be people in the other part of the world that asking why was i born? we live with one source that is heart who ever we are where ever we are even tho we don't know each other we still have to care..happy and hard time we conquer together.

to be with him is the only thing i want rite now

not seeing someone you love for one month can really makes u cried everyday i just nitoce someone says that one month is only one month bt for me it felt like ages i can't have a long distance relationship but i do trust the person i love no mather what the only thing is i just miss seeing the face and the smile and everything like i only just need to hug him thats it i'm not asking for such a big things just a hug from someone i love thats it
i don't care how is the guy just how big is his love for me thats count i don't care even tho that guy is really scary or big or a killer or anything i just think what is inside thats count well maybe for me it's kinda hard coz i really dont like a short and fat guys (hehhe)kinda pickky i know but what do you expect am still a human no one can change that
but what i got now is just perfect he's not that tall but he's taller than me,hes skinny,and really nice on the inside and the cutest smile i have ever seen and it's kinda amazing to think that he's my boyfriend,first time i saw him i never think to make him my bF first i think he's really weird and he's not my type like he's chinese for GOD sake well am chinese but i don't like dating one and now i got one and he's the greatest thing i could ever ask for i'm really greatfull for it
i really do LOVE him
i can't think of other things then him maybe thats what i called LOVE..i have been into so many relationship but all of it it's like me who fell in love first but this one is totally different it's HIM the one who loves me not me and come to notice it now i'm deeply in love with him
beeing with him is all i want

17Hours drive can actually make ur ass as hard as a steel

Goin 17 hours drive is a new record for me sittin on the bus while waitin that we'll reached to the destination place as fast as i can coz like while i sit 17 hours to there and back again is like being in hell!!
i can't stand it when it's on the road but when wer there man the scenery is damn awesome and like seeing GODs doin all His work to all the people there is like amazing..
i'm there as the camera man so it's not like boring at all i got a lot of nice pict. and everythin and realising something out of the ordinary..
like the spiritual things that GOD made for us to realise and know about it i don't really like put a lot of attention in all of this stuff but when i saw it its like WOW"...you can't believe it all the atmosphere and everything can make me calm and like the people i'm around with even tho i'm like the youngest of all but i come to know even parents can have good time like we do and more...and the funny part is that when ur with people thats already are parents a 2 days trip is like a week they have supplies that can last for a week and they finished it all in just 4 days i'm like so surprised they can eat alot more then i do..specially they love to munch food like they bake something and its fucking nice i want more but im full just by eating two small piece of that delicious cake and a lot more..
it's all fun only the trip to go back and ford its like killing my ass i cant take it until now..i just sit for 1 hour or less my ass feel like so hurt or worse its almost numb and becoming flat again...
oh...shit...i already make it nice and now its flat again..i hate this now i have to excercise harder again..and i'm in my bad condition like sick and all that
but am happy coz 4 more days and i'm back to malaysia...
yippy...
all days worth
hhehe

online inside my hearth..post:happy ever after... continues

ok...so..happy ever after didn't last to long
hahha
coz now i have to get ready to go out of town..i hv to go at 12am..damn!!its to late and the most fucked up thing is that its 15 hours drive...huhuhu..and i can't go online until 6th.oh....
but still it's ok coz i can spend time with my mom and be more close to GOD so i guess it's ok i get to learn new things..
hehe..
but i still be happy coz after 6th i can count 5 more days until i'll be back to my lovely friends and lover..hehe
i'm not worried of how he is over there coz i trust him with all my hearth that he wouldn't do anything wrong..ahhahaha
i just can't believe i'm going to leave my family again and won't be seeing them until the next break again.but i dunno we'll see
i like going home but once i'm home i dunno what to do next i'm goin to be at home doin nothin and then i'll be missing my dump shit hole malaysia where my friends are
here at home am just having fun well tried to tho and just looking at my ticket that i already booked
can't wait till am back there meeting all of my friends and hug each one of em...

online inside my hearth..post:happy ever after...

atlast after 1 week with out internet commection i can go online and the happiest thing happend..nick called me..hehhehe i'm so happy..
like what happend is i'm on my way home from my friends party and the suddenly comeone called my phone and like theres no number on it and without thinkin any further who is it i just accept it and realise that its nick's voice i'm so happy and i can't believe it..we chat not long but i'm as happy as like he was there talking to me face to face..
i imagine to much here
hahhaha

to be continued...
XOXO...

thinkin what todo after

it's 17 days left until am back to malaysia...i love coming back there again and meet my friends and all but the thing is i come to realise that i'm really going to miss my family here.i'm spending time with them more then ever and i love it
even tho sometimes i feel bored but hey atleast i can spend time with them
every breating living person cannot live forever so i want to thank them for everything that they done for me and spending time with them
and want to thank them for everything that they put to get me and both of my sister to school and that does cost alot like my elder sister studies in australia that cost alot of money and for my little sister in high school and mostly me even tho am in malaysia..but the thing is am taking product design so like it cost alot too..
when im back home i come to understand the problem that my parents are having like they work so hard to put us to school and now they have a problem with money and everything..
i used to didnt realise anything like this will happend until i went to college and come back home and hearing all the stuff like this and i tried not too spend a lot of money while am here and there if like there i just used the money to study and buying stuff for school
probably one meal per day like now coz am on diet
hehehhe
my little sister,even tho she's little and young but because shes still here with my parents and she come to know all the things that have happend while am away so she tried to help aswell
and that is the bravest thing i saw from her
coz when me and my big sister was her age were living large and not knowing anything about all this until know..my little sister is the most toughfest girl i know from living large to living simple as she can and i'm now trying to do the same by studying harder so i can work make my own money and give it to my parents to help them not spending them when i got it..
i want to help them as much as i could and for experience also
i cried a lot of times just by seing their hair goes whiter everyday and becoming older by the time and i know sometimes i fell like theres not much love that they'r giving me
but knowing know all those time i'm the one who didnt realise all the love that they have given to me i'm the one whos always closing my heart to know and now i know all it's me who have hurt them not them i used to lied to them,hate them even,and even stole from them when i was a kid coz knowing they have so many thing that i want and as the time goes by looks like i'm the one whos making them like this but i changed coz people do change i don't have that devil inside me again..i never lied to them i told them everything even like me smoking even tho that make them dissapointed at me and cried but they'r glad coz now am not afraid to tell them the truth and i never hate them again infact i love them more than ever and never steal anything again coz until when i want to keep being a kid im growing up stealing is like what a kid could do when they want something that they couldn't get and now even tho there is something i still want and didnt get well i tried to control my self and tell my self that i can have all of this if i work hard like they did and now look what i become i have so many friend that trust me coz i never do all that bad things again and come clean
i realise the JESUS in me is so BIG and the love that he has given to me is UNCOUNTABLE and UNLIMITED and he change me i don't know when and i don't know how but he spoke to me within my heart even tho he never talk to me directly but i can feel it and i'm thankin GOD for that..

i realise so many thing that have happend to me all this years and try to change it and making my parents proud like they are now proud of me being truthfull to them and to others...
there is a saying "once a thief always a thief"
well thats is not always true even tho people didnt realise but people do change like me
when i was a kid i like to take stuff from my family but not from friends and still even tho it's my family but that thing is not mine and i just like get my hand into them specially i borrowed my sister clothes with out askin that what stealing what i'm trying to say borrowing with out askin
i know it's not really that big but still it's not mine
i can say i'm a two face i admit is it bcoz i'm gemini??hehhehe
i'm not shy to admit that i'm a two face coz i don't want to lie anymore it's enough when i come to malaysia i said to my self that i want to change no more lies coz lying just make things worst i lied once in malaysia and i don't want to do it again why do i want to lie to my friends it's not good and they trust me and i want them to trust me more and the only way is by never tell alie if i lied to them that means i still haven't change but i never lie anymore and i notice i said everything that i don't like and just say everything that pops up into my mind and they don't mind listening to it and i'm happy having a friends like them
i love my friends...
i love my family...
i love my boyfriend(he's always there when i needed him,so sweet)
and the top rank of my love id GOD
cannot change that..it's in my blood as a christian

so what i want to do after this is try to just be my self and listen to what ever people told me specially my parents and my friends and study harder to make my parents proud and my friends so they can see that i love them so much...

missing him more and more

even though i haven't met him in 1 week man i'm fuckin missin him so much..i can't stop thinkin about him can't get rid of him out of my mind...
i can only call him everyday and imagine that he's by my side as always i dunno why everytime i talk to him i sometimes cried maybe it's because i miss him and wish that he's here by my side this semester break going to be the longest most sadness holidays ever i can't wait to go back next month and meet him he said that he's going to pick me up but who knows if something happend like he can't pick me up or something..man,i will feel like my world has been crushed to small pieces better yet dust i really want to see his face smiling again torwards me and laugh at everything that i did or just i dunno...
i miss him so much and i can't stand it..i always tried to understand his condition now that he cant call me nor msg me coz i'm far and i miss the fact that he's always kiss my hand and hug me..just by looking at his picture now make me more and more misses him..i wanna be with him always even though that can't happend if he's not working near by where i live but i really wish that he could tho...
nick... i love u

back to hometown

coming back to your hometown when your away is the best part if life.you can have everything you can't have outside ur hometown
like ur mom's cooking specially,and the chilli that you can't imagine..but there's one thing sad about it like you have to leave your friends and your love one if you have...you still have your family tho thats more than enough you can spend time with them again after for so long you haven't met them and tell them all the story that you have been thru like the story that make you more stronger everyday without them,you tried to be stronger because you don't want to go back crawling because you failed or something coz ur not strong enough.i don't want that to happend i want the best for me and to make my parents proud that they send me all this far and i can be what i always wanted to be that is a designer even though each and everyday there is one day that is really though that you want to quit but you have to be strong for you to be more matured and so on..
never give up for everything that you most wanted that is to repay what your parent have been giving you all this time school,knowledge,life,and everything..
you can realise al this when you are away from your parents
sometimes people dont even realise when they are closed to their parents like you keep blaming them wy can't i go clubbin at night,why can't i smoke,why do i even had a night time..and when you are away and you try it all it's like "oh...now i know why my parents say all the"
and thank them for all of that..they don;t want you to see how horrible life can be they tried to protect you from all of the bad things but because of that the children just want to try it because of curiousity

and now i know i'm thankfull for everything my parents though me it's for my own good even though nothing happend to me thank God..
i love them

hehehhehe

missing u so much

uhm...
it's kinda sad though when u realise that u cant see someone that u love the most for even a month
i don't wanna sound so in control or something like that buts it's so fun just to kinda like see him as much as u could u know...

i wish he can visit me before i went back to indonesia..
hahahhaha i really miss this guy u know..

oh yeah....and like today i have so much fun
partying with ma friends friend like crazy
i love this
hahahhah...i even have something that i havent had for a long time..man this is like heaven
and even there's some problem ith my rent and everything but it's ok u know this is GODS way to show that He loves me
even though today i went to buy my fligh ticket is kinda expensive and like i can bough it 50% of by buyin online so i kinda fell bad u know...
hahhahah
i wish i can think more that time so i can just call ma parents to buy it man i felt so bad spending money like this..well atleast i got something for ma parents i love them so much
hahahha
and im missing ma boyfriend so much

australian aborigin...

am intrested in all kinds of music specially when it's traditional like the australian aboriginal type of music..First i don't even know that they exist but when i came to australia and listening to them playing,it's like a lightning strokes me and man i love it..
they play it with some kind of big tube and blew it and the most unique thing is that it only can be touched by man and played by man..i don't know why.hahaha
There's not much to hear from it but it's like the rhytme that i love.My sister said that i'm weird but well i don't care i love it more then other kinds of music..

i'm still thinking though how could they have such lungs to blow in a tube that's longer than a human body??i don't think i can though..hahaha
but if i can i'll give my best shot to do it and making new rhytme of my own
that will be the happiest moment of my life

nowadays people combine the big tube with everykinds of instrument to make it more in to the world,so that people realise that is much more sounds then just playin piano,guitar or other instrument that people like..everytime i hear it i'm happy i don't know why even though i'm mad or something like that happend i just listen to that kinds of music and it calms me down just like that..probably it's because of the rhytme..the melody..and the heart that plays it

what do i really want actually???

well,i'm kinda confused what do i want..
i wanna be skinny be i keep on eating,and when i said am fat people said am not..so i dunno...
am45.5 kg isn't that included fat???well for me it is,but people say no..
but how can i say no when i have a big thigh is so fuckin big and my arm...
argh!!!
am so obsesed with my weight until it made me crazy...
and for all i know thinkin to much can make you fat
i know vommiting all your food again can make u unhealty and still fat even though it use to work(hehehe)
and like gym can make u looses ur weight
but do i care...no...i still don't care
i do the opposite of what is right and try to make it work
but what do i get now?? i got nothin,i get sick easily and still complaining that i'm fat when all of my surrounding say i'm not
what have i become??

uh....
i dunno..give me answer to that..i can't do this anymore,it gives ame a headache every day..i couldn't stand that...

OK???

what do you think if there's someone you don't have any idea who they are and suddenly just called you and say want to be your lover??
STUPID right???
they already know that you have a partner as in bf or gf but still that person keep saying the same thing..
if it's like they said that they just want to be your friend it's ok but this??it's kinda weird,and that person is willing to go to the end of the world just for you...thats romantic if it's your bf or gf or even friend but like this is some one you don't even know...what the f***
man...i'm kinda creeped out but as ussual because it's me the one that facing that problem so it's like i just say like
"ok..you know that i have a boyfriend and you still say something like that..and i don't even know you.."
and that person reply like
"boyfriend just be boyfriend but what if i could love you more than him...(bla bla bla)"[actually i forgot most of it]hahhaha
and like i said it's not possible
and in the end he said like ok love you get rest ok...bye dear'
and because i'm kinda confuse and all and havent sleep so it's kinda like all messed uo so i just said like OK and hang up the phone...

it creepy....argh,am scared man...it's like suddenly there's some guy calling me and i have no idea who the hell is he...

scared m so much...like i know what it felt know when some one stalking you...

bRRRRRrrrrr.....

almost christmas??

wow...i didn't realise that it's almost the end of the year again where we'r celebrating christmas and new year and the time u get waisted on new years eve'...hhahahha...
noticing what had happen in 2008 hahha it's the year i couldn't ever not remember about..it's the time when i go to college..meeting new friends and have a lot of obstacle to faced...and in the end at last you'll find who is your real friends are and who really understand you for who you are..
first it's kind a like you don't know who you want to hang out the most first it's just li that you hang out with the people from your own country and then suddenly changed into others life is all just like that changes everytime and still eventhough we didn't hang out much like we use too but still we help each other where they needed us the most...

now i find my true friends hahha...and they all from different places they are the combination of people that i've been hang out with there's some from malaysia,indonesia(even though he don't know hw to speak Indonesia),Pakistan,etc...it's like this is GOD decision for me He put me first with a group of people from the same place that in the end i ended up hang out with people that really is a combination of all this is alll HIS works...LOVE U J'...

i love what i have right now...
*the friends that i have
*the family that trust me while i'm away
*the bestest boyfriend that i could ever wish for (say it like this now but we'll see how this turns up to be)hehhhehehhe
*the school that i got into
*everything
hahhahaha

i love this time of year...hahha

Trip to KL

r191208 the number i wouldn't forget it's like where i feel like in heaven again sibilitation is around me at last...MALL,i can see something with brand or at least it's the place where everyone talk English..ok even though there's the time when i'm a little bit moody but after that the 20th i feel like i'm in heaven...some people say it's probably normal but for me it's the best time of my life.Do you even know what does it felt like beeing stranded out of no where where all the people in there doesn't know how to speak the language that you'r using???

well you don't,don't u???hahaha it seems like every people in the world have problems like being cheated by some stupid agent and even when we are talking about the authority they just like go ahead and don't give care about it???well thats human what do you expect???
likewise i dunno much about what's roaming inside peoples head but i know one thing for sure i don't like how people do anything for money they start getting their selves into trouble.just wait and see our GOD will give you something in return depend on your record..what ever religion you have you always have GOD to protect you and dugde on your every move,what ever your doing ...

life isn't just about money you know?it's about what you want to become and for what or who???give it back to whom that gave you everything that you have rite now!!!

From 45,8 to 40

there's only one thing to do now,never come down from what i have been so that i wouldn't be able to eat anything at all even though am hungry fuck it this is a strict diet..
since i've came to malaysia i've been gaining weight and it's not only like 1 or 2kg we'r talking 7kg here.first i come in condition of 40kg now im 45.8 i just lost 1,2..hehhehe.But how ever even though am hungry neither thirsty i don't care am on strict diet no nothing i don't care what will happen to me afterwards but for now if i loose weight again I'll be so happy nothing can replace this happiness if i loose it all
hhahahahha...but if like my parents know that am on strict diet like i use to be again aren't they gonna be sad because they were happy when they saw me gaining but that when i was 43kg now am 45,8kg what the f**k???

ah!!!!!
i dunno what to do now my head is spinning is it because i haven't had anything to eat since morning???nah...impossible
i can survive that time by not eating anything for 8 days straight and this is not even one day so it couldn't be...i know am strong so i can handle this
hahhahahah

some people might call it crazy but i call this me,it's me what do you expect???I'm obsessed of being skinny
hehehehehehe

it's complicated

ok...so i just realise that you can't have everything that u wanted including the thing that you most wanted..The more you wanted it the more you lose it so like whats up with that??
it's kinda complicated knowing that some guys only like to have their own world don't even care about their surroundings even though they know that were there.Guys just like to keep playing with their own games,watching their own movie by them selves.i have no idea why...

Question???
i even don't know why do i have a brain,probably to help me think the answer to all of the question that surrounds me.like for example i need a brain to think what am i doing here?I don't even belong here..but i do belong here(wait!!what am i trying to say here)hahhahha...forget it

So what im trying to say here is...
that i come by a conclution that what am i trying to say here is actually nothin
hahhaha
just bored nothing to do so i write all this bullshit...hahhahha