thinkin what todo after

it's 17 days left until am back to malaysia...i love coming back there again and meet my friends and all but the thing is i come to realise that i'm really going to miss my family here.i'm spending time with them more then ever and i love it
even tho sometimes i feel bored but hey atleast i can spend time with them
every breating living person cannot live forever so i want to thank them for everything that they done for me and spending time with them
and want to thank them for everything that they put to get me and both of my sister to school and that does cost alot like my elder sister studies in australia that cost alot of money and for my little sister in high school and mostly me even tho am in malaysia..but the thing is am taking product design so like it cost alot too..
when im back home i come to understand the problem that my parents are having like they work so hard to put us to school and now they have a problem with money and everything..
i used to didnt realise anything like this will happend until i went to college and come back home and hearing all the stuff like this and i tried not too spend a lot of money while am here and there if like there i just used the money to study and buying stuff for school
probably one meal per day like now coz am on diet
hehehhe
my little sister,even tho she's little and young but because shes still here with my parents and she come to know all the things that have happend while am away so she tried to help aswell
and that is the bravest thing i saw from her
coz when me and my big sister was her age were living large and not knowing anything about all this until know..my little sister is the most toughfest girl i know from living large to living simple as she can and i'm now trying to do the same by studying harder so i can work make my own money and give it to my parents to help them not spending them when i got it..
i want to help them as much as i could and for experience also
i cried a lot of times just by seing their hair goes whiter everyday and becoming older by the time and i know sometimes i fell like theres not much love that they'r giving me
but knowing know all those time i'm the one who didnt realise all the love that they have given to me i'm the one whos always closing my heart to know and now i know all it's me who have hurt them not them i used to lied to them,hate them even,and even stole from them when i was a kid coz knowing they have so many thing that i want and as the time goes by looks like i'm the one whos making them like this but i changed coz people do change i don't have that devil inside me again..i never lied to them i told them everything even like me smoking even tho that make them dissapointed at me and cried but they'r glad coz now am not afraid to tell them the truth and i never hate them again infact i love them more than ever and never steal anything again coz until when i want to keep being a kid im growing up stealing is like what a kid could do when they want something that they couldn't get and now even tho there is something i still want and didnt get well i tried to control my self and tell my self that i can have all of this if i work hard like they did and now look what i become i have so many friend that trust me coz i never do all that bad things again and come clean
i realise the JESUS in me is so BIG and the love that he has given to me is UNCOUNTABLE and UNLIMITED and he change me i don't know when and i don't know how but he spoke to me within my heart even tho he never talk to me directly but i can feel it and i'm thankin GOD for that..

i realise so many thing that have happend to me all this years and try to change it and making my parents proud like they are now proud of me being truthfull to them and to others...
there is a saying "once a thief always a thief"
well thats is not always true even tho people didnt realise but people do change like me
when i was a kid i like to take stuff from my family but not from friends and still even tho it's my family but that thing is not mine and i just like get my hand into them specially i borrowed my sister clothes with out askin that what stealing what i'm trying to say borrowing with out askin
i know it's not really that big but still it's not mine
i can say i'm a two face i admit is it bcoz i'm gemini??hehhehe
i'm not shy to admit that i'm a two face coz i don't want to lie anymore it's enough when i come to malaysia i said to my self that i want to change no more lies coz lying just make things worst i lied once in malaysia and i don't want to do it again why do i want to lie to my friends it's not good and they trust me and i want them to trust me more and the only way is by never tell alie if i lied to them that means i still haven't change but i never lie anymore and i notice i said everything that i don't like and just say everything that pops up into my mind and they don't mind listening to it and i'm happy having a friends like them
i love my friends...
i love my family...
i love my boyfriend(he's always there when i needed him,so sweet)
and the top rank of my love id GOD
cannot change that..it's in my blood as a christian

so what i want to do after this is try to just be my self and listen to what ever people told me specially my parents and my friends and study harder to make my parents proud and my friends so they can see that i love them so much...