what do i really want actually???

well,i'm kinda confused what do i want..
i wanna be skinny be i keep on eating,and when i said am fat people said am not..so i dunno...
am45.5 kg isn't that included fat???well for me it is,but people say no..
but how can i say no when i have a big thigh is so fuckin big and my arm...
argh!!!
am so obsesed with my weight until it made me crazy...
and for all i know thinkin to much can make you fat
i know vommiting all your food again can make u unhealty and still fat even though it use to work(hehehe)
and like gym can make u looses ur weight
but do i care...no...i still don't care
i do the opposite of what is right and try to make it work
but what do i get now?? i got nothin,i get sick easily and still complaining that i'm fat when all of my surrounding say i'm not
what have i become??

uh....
i dunno..give me answer to that..i can't do this anymore,it gives ame a headache every day..i couldn't stand that...